As many of you have probably not known I recently discovered that I have anxiety. At first I use to think I was just quick minded, short attention (ed), and that my body was just always feeling insane.

The answer was that no, lol. I was just living with unmanaged anxiety. So earlier this year I went to therapy (CBT) and began my journey to the second part of an equation that I've been battling all my twenties -- my mental illnesses.

The bad part of my anxiety overall was that I felt like I needed to complete everything, all at one, and If I couldn't do it in one sitting I felt more compelled not to do anything. That mixed with life, mixed with tons of weed to make my body feel like it wasn't going to shut off -- I felt like I began to turn off the parts that needed to be dialed down to make life easier.

So much of my own life is harder than others because I work for myself. So everything always falls on me. That and up until a few months ago I had the huge responsibility of running a huge record label, my own career, life, friends, family, moving to a new town. And so much more.

What I can say though after the hard work that was therapy, more drugs, and a great mushroom trip is that I understand why I was shutting myself down. And that's because I began to feel not in control of anything anymore. it was a time in my life when I needed to be knocked down a lot to be able to learn . It was a deep time of humility. And now I sit here looking at the time it took for me to realize that and it feels silly but I'm a person.

And somehow learning to be a human was the hardest part of all, lol.

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