Monday, November 24, 2014 Y 7:52 PM

written started by listening to gwen stefani's "Hollaback Girl"

sometimes when i think of 2006 i get full of sadness because in a way i was never able to fully let go of that year. it's like i think that year has somehow continuously bleed over every year. it's as if somehow i was unable to realize that somehow 2006 isn't some sort of continuous cut that has continued year after year. sure new years come, and sure they end, but in someway i feel like i'm constantly measuring and subtracting how many years it was since then. It began with 2008, and then '09, then '10 and so on and so on. It's like somehow that was a year that I counter as the middle of my life. It was in 2006 that I finished my junior year of high school and also the beginning of my senior year of high school. i guess in many ways it was like the crossroads of adolescence and what i later would find out to be the beginning of adulthood (meaning I would no longer be having carte blanche into the i'm in high school card). Somehow it's like a year that somehow in my mind doesn't age. somehow i can't see the music or the movies that came out then as classics. it's like i hear them and the refreshing radio-like quality is still there for me. just the other night i was watching White Chicks and i realized that the one gwen stefani song (it's my life) was older than I thought it was. i feel like somehow almost the new millennium has an inconsistent ageless quality to it. there's a part of it to me that seems as new as it seemed back then but now those music videos are aged by the cars they drove and the cell phones that they used. it's strange to think that in less two years the iphone would begin to dominate and change the world. it's stranger to think that the cell phone models that were so became so passé' in such a short amount of time. or is it that my vision and experience of time is somehow stunted by my own perceptions and needs to keep it, at least in my recollection, as something that never went away. 2006 was a great year, but I've had more significant years. But somehow 2006 retains the quality of what i feel many other people probably have in their own lives. is it me or does "the sweet escape" sound as new as music on the radio today? i still remember the air, i still remember running in the forest preserve and listening to my ipod (madonna's confessions album and gwen stefani's debut album). I remember going to the movies and seeing Borat and 300. I remember so much, or so I think. Admittedly, I constantly bleed other years and lump them into this year. i feel like it's hard to let go. somehow letting go makes me feel like i'm forgetting and almost allowing the fact that i'm aging to become a reality. i guess in part it is also part of knowing that the fondness that i have for the things i did then is only special to me. because kids will grow and not know what it was like to hear the pussycat dolls' i hate this part right here' verse to come on the speakers. or not to know how cool gwen's "luxurious" felt at that moment in time. it's crazier to know that in 40 years those years might just be passed by (in a collective mind sort of way). 

i guess that's why it becomes hard to let new things into our lives, and into our conscious when we become older. it's hard to accept and let go. it's hard to feel like somehow our lives experience are nothing in the grand scheme of things. it's hard knowing that somehow i'm not the center of the universe, and that the things i most cherish are unimportant to the majority of the world and the world that has yet to be born and created. it's harder to know that when the time comes no one will know the feeling i got when i heard gwen's "wind it up".

but i guess if i don't let go that nothing will ever be special. it's harder done that said but i can't let one year to dictate my life. and i guess by accepting new music and new things doesn't necessarily mean that i'm letting go of my youth, of my being, of my existence. i guess it just means that time is going to happen and that letting go is something that i have to do in order to experience the refreshing vision that i felt when i was young. i just hope that i don't become a shell. i hope i can experience life as i once did. i just hope that i can find the romance in everything like i once had. 

finished listening to gwen stefani's "4 in the morning" at 7:50 @ new wave coffee in logan sq. 

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